My performance during this year’s fasting month is below average. I admit it was not the greatest of display, not the best of what i can potentially achieve, there is definitely a massive room for improvement.
i hold absolute clarity for these facts, conscious of them.
and that means nothing,
if i don’t grab hold of action.
Being busy doesn’t mean i am a productive whale
Being seemingly free doesn’t mean i am an idling orangutan
Fighting Knowledge. Fighting Action. Don’t Ask.
I’ve been on the Apprentice major-binge nowadays, watching hordes of trumpaholic episodes in one go. Such an exhilarating experience, watching battling lads and lasses in suits triumphed, fired, stabbed and bandaged. I felt the first cautionary wave of guilt sweeping in, half a dozen episodes into the series. I mean, i really should be reading my real estate materials and dirk zeller/anthony robbins books.
But then again, this is first class educational entertainment, as opposed to watching sitcoms (the likes of Friends, Seinfeld and 70s Show) ad nauseam. Guilt managed.
ps: i’m waiting eagerly to use the “it’s not personal, it’s just business” phrase someday. I think i had just created a bridge to do just that.
What i want, is to be an entrepreneurial maestro that is financially independent, living in a big mansion with a pool, a garden that smells of fresh roses, elaborate staircases made of the finest of wood, a state-of-the-art kitchen that produces delicious fragrance of Mediterranean cuisines on a constant basis, traveling around the world with ease and with style, enjoying and sponging the sights and sound and cultures on close proximity and also to be able to wear a power suit with exclusive ties and splendidly elegant shoes that just reeks of superb success. To be able to command great respect from family members, acquaintances and strangers. To provide shock and awe to the people that I had known in the past that had doubts over my ability, potential and characteristics.
Having the options to venture into different business opportunities and helping others to startup their own small business, especially the young and passionate, having the ability to donate a massive amount of money to organizations and most importantly, be able to provide great assistance to my local religious community. To be wealthy without guilt nor sins, to be delighted with life without darkness nor gloom and to be humble and kind without being stamped all over the nose.
My present state, I am not married but have a wonderful, wonderful girlfriend of 5 years, I am living with my hardworking and fairly conservative parents, I am currently jobless for the first time after almost 7 years working. Mentally, I am under control and borderline positive, I seldom panicked and I rarely get into depressed mode. I am fairly happy though with pockets of regrets and sadness which is manageable.
The primary differences between my present state and my desired outcome, is that with the latter, I will be able to make a difference to others in terms of happiness, which will make me happy in turn. I will be in direct control of what I want to do daily, I don’t have to worry about bills and transport fees. I will be a significant and positive model to the community. I will be able to provide my current and future family with unparalleled happiness and satisfaction. I will be the person to look up to whenever strangers are in need of assistance. At the same time I can enjoy my luxuries without guilt, without worrying of the consequences for I have done things honestly, ethically and with untainted pride.
I will know the outcome has been realized when I can finally sit back on an island resort for a full 2 months straight without having to worry about a single damn thing.
My outcome. Mein Kampf.
The List (don’t we all love the good ‘ol list)
the hardest ones would be number 4, 7 and 10, those are hard but definitely attainable. the tricky ones would be 2, 5 and 6.
the time starts, now.
f o r i z a
revel freely in the starburst of my love transmission
inhale the sweet empire that blooms in poignant fashion
across the swaggering dusk and dawn; a fine infusion
liberating both ponderous hearts in spectacular motion
undo the blackened song that bleeds the dreary mornings
upon the broken slaves of solitary, swoops down thy love
waves of splendour victorious and sweet calmness winning
we will rule our arising stars, that knows no withering verve
hotelalphapegasuspegasusyankee foxtrotindiavaliantecho !
Once again i tapped into the non 8-5’s window today as i attended the career seminar at Propnex, a leader agency in the property field. It was by far the most insightful and terrific career seminar that i had ever attended, noting that i and six others were lucky enough to have the CEO’s brother himself as the speaker. There was none of those ‘join us and be mind boggling-ly wealthy and super successful, guaranteed! we will reveal secrets! all of them silly secrets!’. None. Instead it was superbly entertaining and a deftly professional approach that was taken by the seminar’s speaker. He made us think, like, real deep.
Compare that to California Fitness’s first interview. “I will test you now, go talk to five strangers under ten minutes, ask them questions and write them down here with their names and mobile’s”. Laughable and utter crap in terms of professionalism. I might as well add that the people at California Fitness who was there to receive me, in my most honest opinion, was not welcoming at all, i was made to look as if i was a potential competitor to them rather than a future colleague. For goodness sake, telling me to hit 21k in four months or else i will be fired as a personal fitness trainer? What is up with that California Fitness Singapore? My God.
I did googled California Fitness Singapore on the web, belatedly, and found many unpleasant comments regarding the service provided by CF. From their gym machines, their personal trainers (unfriendly, getting too close with girls, only communicating with paying clients that they personally train, zombies walking around the gym floor, walking around as if they are the exclusive gym gods, big muscles small brains and perpetually pestering members to sign up for their personal training packages, etc), their lockers condition, and the most worrying of all, the way California Fitness Singapore pissed many of their members regarding their membership contracts. One even went to CASE to file a complain.
Lesson learned. Google before you jump into the water.
Back to Propnex, after a tour of their offices at the HDB Hub building and a personal chat with one of their top agent, who was 2007’s topnotch producing agent, or something along that line, i enrolled in the real estate specialist’s course. Commencing later this month, i am truely looking forward to this 5 weeks long course. I am at my lowest state now in a long time, i try not to show it much, the only way now is up for i can’t go any lower than this.
I had plenty of foibles before, i had done things that i should not have done, i am determined for a change, so help me God as i help myself. Help me God.
Today is perhaps the most silliest day that i have had for the past decade. I went down to one of the leading gym hub in town armed with a warm desire to clinch a job there as a fitness personal trainer. As i entered the building, i realized that it was an entirely different feeling, as opposed to when i entered it as a gym member, it was as though the building was confused by my presence and purpose. Suffice to say, my heart was looking for alleys in my body to escape, which it utterly failed, of course.
“Hi, i’m here for the job interview?” I was send promptly to the member’s lounge to wait, which felt like a cold surgeon’s theater.
The interviewer came, bald headed, muscles inflated and possessing a face of a hardened criminal who was deprived his share of the quarter million he stole violently from a local bank. He asked the usuals, handing me documents to fill in and had me waiting again. My mind relaxed for a split second before he came again and said “Alright, i will test you now” Oh why surely, you kindest of fuck.
“I need you to go and talk to five strangers in the gym and ask them how we can further improve this fitness center, you’ve got 10 minutes, here, the clipboard and pen,” Honestly, i was quaking in my boots and much prefer to navigate naked through a hail of bullets instead. I felt like a first time amateur trapeze rookie doing his first act.
There are three levels and i went straight to the men’s locker room on the third floor. There i was, painfully out of place, since i was not in the usual employee’s uniform nor the usual workout’s getup, i was in a civilian clothing with a clipboard and a pen. I would be instantly rich if i were to own every monetary eyeballs that was gazing.
I worked rather well when i was pissed during my time in the army, and so belatedly, i forced myself to be artificially pissed before approaching the first lad. Embarrassment perished, comrades. Astonishingly, all five of them was creepily very helpful in answering my questions and willingly gave their names and mobile numbers as if i was the most harmless plant of a stranger that they had ever met. Sure, one of them was utterly gay, but still.
In under 6 minutes i finished the challenge and felt a mild sense of achievement but an even greater sense of pissechivement.
“Here you go, i’m done”
“That was fast, very good, i gave you ten minutes … “incoherent noises” … Alright the HR will contact you for the second interview in a few days time …*more incoherent noises*… See you.”
“Sure.. thanks, alright, bye.”
Something is not right with this fitness personal trainer job, i was asked to be more incline towards the concept of sales, rather than to train the clients good. I am having doubts for this position but i am not in a rush. Perhaps i’ll be looking for a different brand of coffee in the days ahead. Such a heavy milestone I’ve got going on here, plus the hordes of ponderous thoughts, thumping around the hours. Being jobless makes you think deeper, but the thoughts of regret never did came. Who needs a soldier? souljah?
The art of smoking a cigarette has long been my annoyingly victorious forte. The arsenal that consists of a transparent lighter and premium quality cigarette pack – sat snugly, also mockingly, inside my pocket wherever i went. Bored you say? Light me up, thanks. Sleepy and no coffee? Inhale me deliciously.
The standard procedure of smoking can be broken down into four notoriously simple steps – lighting it up, smoking it up, butting it out and finally, burying the feeling of mild regret which will inevitably and rapidly accumulate itself to the status of utter regret. Be fully aware though that this charred forte of mine, will in all it’s sombre splendor be perished, by the conclusively dark presence of an intense regret, somewhere in the bleakest of future.
march in, pricey nicotine patch.
